Gratitude

We watched the movie the Burning Man last night (which I highly recommend if you need to be slapped back into the reality of our mortality) and I jotted down some notes before going to sleep that consisted of things like this:
Be more patient, be more calm, Elyas is only 4-cut him some slack, stop and be present during daily rituals...you get the idea.

I woke up this morning and felt this sense of peace all around me. I felt extreme gratitude for this amazing husband of mine and these 2 sweet, energetic, tender-hearted boys we've created.

I thought about the past year and all I have to be thankful for...so many things. To have finally figured out Isaac's hearing loss and treat it correctly. To be able to stay home and give my family a home-cooked meal most nights. To have amazing girlfriends who make me laugh, smile, and feel life. To have a husband who loves me EXACTLY as I am. To have family somewhat close by. To have a friend who will come over and do nothing with me when I call her in need (you know who you are).  To still have a zest for life despite being sometimes tired and stressed from the job of parenting. And most of all, to still be the same Andrea I've always been.

So many people get careers, get married, have kids, try to climb the ladder, get involved with the politics around them, and become someone they are not. I can honestly say that is not happening to me and it is not happening to my husband. We are the same. Deep down we are still the same couple who met 12 and 1/2 years ago while we worked at a restaurant and were struggling to pay the bills as we both paid for college. We will never forget where we came from and will always love one another in a deep, unconditional way due to us both feeling so strongly about not losing ourselves.

I love this man with all my heart and he loves me with all his heart. We are still the same. Yep. It feels fabulous. I hope I get to spend many years with him but if something ever happened to me I know I am living each moment of my life exactly as I choose to live it and will never have any regrets.

Now off to relish this moment. The backyard is calling my name.

An Ending

In less than a month our little guy will turn one. So the weaning process has begun and has brought on an array of emotions. Many people don't breastfeed through the entire first year and I do understand why. I was fully committed with Elyas and worked hard to do the same with Isaac, although I can say that it was much, much more difficult.

First off, you are breastfeeding AND taking care of another child at the same time. Kind of hard to correct or assist a 3 year old when you have a baby attached to your boob. Seriously, it's no joke. But as time passed, I got better and better at it. One day I even iced cupcakes while breastfeeding. Seriously, I did. Then Isaac got older and decided he wouldn't continue if there was even the slightest movement or noise to disturb his peaceful moment. Whoa-things just got harder. But I prevailed. That's when the TV came in handy and some very specific rules about what can and can't happen when he was attached to me. Good thing Elyas loves TV and is a fairly good rule follower.

So as we are closing in on the next big stage, I wanted to stop and reflect about this moment because to me it is a big deal. Knowing that we are planning on not having any more children, it feels like such a ending to a part of my life that has been one of the most rewarding and at the same time extremely demanding (yes, I know my last post was about a 3rd child but it's not happening--I don't have the energy and I'm growing too old for that). Knowing that I will never breastfeed again makes me feel a great sadness. I have provided him with the healthiest type of nourishment for over 11 months now and feel that this bond is truly a one of a kind experience.

I know this signifies independence and him growing up, but there is this part of me that wants to freeze this moment. I secretly want him to stop growing and stay in this sweet, innocent phase of life. I never want to stop kissing his toes, singing him lullabies, and loving on him 24-7. Jason often says to him "don't worry, you will be 3 years old soon" indicating that he has it easy compared to Elyas (which he does....some days I have to work sooo hard to be patient with our energetic strong-willed almost 4 year old). And every time he says this it makes me yearn for him to stop growing up so fast. I will never have another baby this age and that thought makes me want to weep.

The hardest part about this ending is the emotion behind it. One moment I'm ecstatic about it being over. I think about how I will soon have my body back and can have a drink whenever I want. Then another moment, I'm stroking his little feet while he is feeding before bed and I can't believe this year has flown by and is over. Then there is the acne that started when I started dropping feedings. And the mood swings. Oh the mood swings. My poor Jason is such a trooper.

So as I stop and reflect, what I want to remember most is that as a human being, I have done something miraculous. I birthed a baby and then did what my body was made to do. I nourished this baby and was his life line. I gave him nutrients with lots of love mixed in for the perfect milk cocktail. All in all, I rocked it. I made sacrifices so that he could thrive and have a very natural diet for his first year. And for this I am truly grateful. Now if anyone wants to come over and celebrate my big accomplishment, just give me a call. I'm almost free to have a drink whenever I choose! Cheers!

Each Ingredient Adds More Flavor

As I made my kiddos breakfast this morning, I had a good chuckle about parenting a second time around. Isaac ate a big bowl of peanut butter balls cereal with some banana and milk. The humorous part is the cereal seemed about the size of a choking hazard, peanut butter is a no-no for babies, and 10 month olds aren't supposed to have cow's milk. He survived and enjoyed every single bite.  He also is thoroughly enjoying climbing our stairs multiple times daily and has almost figured out how to slide down full-speed. Yep, that's our 2nd child. I'm fully aware he could have an allergic reaction and he could completely fall down our stairs, but I'm also fully aware that he will likely be just fine.

This got me thinking about the joys of being the 3rd child. I really do feel a little sadness for 1st born children-Elyas included. They get too much time and attention. Parents are trying out their parenting skills on them and are basically clueless. They have to live a life without siblings for awhile (some forever - my apologies to all you only children out there - I'm sure it has some advantages but coming from a family of 4 kids I just can't even imagine it) AND everything 1st born children do seems to be measured and compared to a timeline.

Then comes baby #2. They get time and space to explore without so much attention given to their every move, they get to do really fun activities and eat really exciting treats before they would be allowed if they didn't have a sibling (Isaac partied like a rock star this weekend at two 4-year-old birthday parties and enjoyed some delicious carrot cake with the best cream cheese icing ever, thanks to my awesome friend Tracy who can seriously bake like a mad woman), and they get much more relaxed, chilled out parents. And if you're child #3, you have it made in the shade. If you are the type of person who can live without a whole lot of parental attention, you will grow up without nearly as much interference and hopefully develop into a well-adjusted, free spirited person (as I like to think of myself, although I have this twisted Type A personality on top of my free spirit - it's quite an interesting combination).

So after saying we are totally finished having kids, this makes me think maybe we should consider having a 3rd. In my opinion, 3rd children are super cool and bring something very special to the family.  The only problem is that I truly believe as you add each child to the mix, parents lose a little bit more of their sanity. But maybe that is why 3rd children are so fun. They get to experience half-sane parents who are just trying to get by one day at a time without worrying about "parenting." I'm sure this makes them much more well-adjusted in this day and age of helicopter parenting.

Back in Black

Wow. It's been a while. I'm back and I think this blog is going to turn into something a little different. It's going to be an outlet for me. I'm going to be honest and say things about parenting that are on my mind. I will go ahead and apologize for my honesty. It's a trait that many people dislike and I work very hard to keep it in check but I sometimes fail. 

 I'm still going to show off my sweet little red-heads. Yes, that is redheads with an "s" because we have a new addition to the Guzak clan and boy is he fun. So this is going to be a short intro because I don't feel like going into what's been happening since the last time I posted (which was 2 years ago--wow--I replaced my blog with Facebook, but I'm starting to get over it, so here I am again). 

Now for some recent pictures of my sweet little love bugs. These were taken by my dear friend, Amy, who is absolutely one of the most thoughtful people I know. I'm not exaggerating. She is an amazing person who has this positive energy that radiates and shines outward. I wish I could be more like her. I wish I had her calmness, her patience, her beautiful spirit. I try but I still just seem to be me. Not sure what that's all about. Oh well...hopefully my strong-willed, opinionated, overly-energetic self will continue to evolve and one day I wake up with more patience and tranquility --I want it really, really bad so I know it's going to happen. 

Back to the pictures...Amy met us in downtown Franklin and captured some amazing shots. These were given to me as a preview and I should get the rest soon. Maybe Tuesday when we have a play date which I'm looking forward to so a little bit more of her amazingness can rub off on me. Do I sound obsessed with her? Sorry but I do feel honored to be her friend. 

And let me introduce the new little guy...drumroll please....Isaac Jayce--now 10 months old (he was 9 months in these pictures). And that big boy is Elyas who is almost 4. 

They truly do make my heart grow bigger Every.Single.Day. Love them so so much. 

Ok I'm keeping this first post short. Ciao!